Lost in Translation

I have a Flickr account and recently, they sent me an email that they are now giving a terrabyte of memory to each user to use as he or she sees fit!  Yay, Flickr!  This eliminates their past policy of giving users a 200 photo limit unless they subscribed (aka "paid") for a "Pro" account.  In the past, I did go "Pro" for a few years but found that there were so many other sites where I could do the same thing for free, it just didn't seem necessary.  However, I never deleted the photos I'd already uploaded or gave up my account and now it seems that my patience has been rewarded.

Having been a member since 2006, I took a scan at some of my old photos and wanted to share a few from my trip to Hainan, China, back in 2009 that crack me up every time I see them.  These photos perfectly illustrate the danger of taking things too literally as they are essentially a word-by-word translation of the Chinese character into its corresponding English meaning.

Forget "freshly squeezed" and get "fried fresh" instead!

Translation of the translation:
serving French fries, spaghetti, and sizzling pork,
served on a hot steel plate (or iron in this case)

Combo pizza and sizzling chicken

I have no idea why the beef is unwearied

It's ok to use your hands to eat this mutton

This is actually very poetic since the original Chinese says,
"The grass is resting, do not disturb"

Looking at all these signs for food is making me hungry.  I think I'll go get some various types of approved SA as well as some explodes the potato strip and wash it all down with some fried fresh juice.  However, I don't think I'll have a picnic on the lawn as the thought that the grass I'd be sitting on is trying to sleep/dream puts things in a whole new perspective.  Have a happy weekend and may you have get the chance to do some dreaming of your own. 

The 9 Word Diet

As spring reaches its peak and summer begins to be more than just a distant memory, a woman's thoughts naturally turn to her winter flab as in how to tame Squishy (doesn't everyone name her fat?!) into submission in preparation for the ensuing shorts/tank top/swimsuit season.  This was a particularly stellar year for me in the fight against fatness with my foot doctor telling me that it wouldn't hurt to lose 5 pounds as that would be 5 less pounds each time I step down on my poor overworked plantar.  (He really meant 10.)  It's a good thing I have a thick skin about these things.

My co-worker Greg gave me his 9 word diet plan, which pretty much  distills the whole sordid process down to the essentials.

It begins with the 3 word diet:

eat less food.

Then you advance to the 6 word diet:

walk long distances.

Finally, when you're ready, you work up to the 9 word diet:

lift heavy things.

So forget the Paleo Diet, the Atkins Diet, South Beach, etc.  9 simple words are all it takes.  And if it doesn't work, that's okay too because as my other co-worker Thom says, the bigger we are, the closer we'll all be to one another.

The Writing Process

When I teach students about writing, one of the first things we cover is the writing process.  Rather than thinking of writing as a clap of inspiration, there are steps that anyone, inspired or not, can take and should said writer follow the steps diligently, the end result should be a satisfactory piece of writing.  These steps are prewriting, drafting, revising, editing, and publishing although I'm pretty sure what the students hear when I tell them is "Wah wah wah wah wah" a la Charlie Brown.

The other day I was in Port Townsend, WA, for the lovely and creative Rachel P's wedding and beforehand, was wandering around town (as apparently were many of her other guests) when I came across a store called "The Writer's Workshoppe." There I found what I now believe to be the real writing process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  I have a hybrid class where students start off the first paper discussing it online and boy, did I see steps 1-4 in spades. The other treasure I found there will be the next lesson for my students: a list of rules that explains "How to Write Good" with such classic advice like "avoid alliteration always," "one should never generalize," and "eschew obfuscation."  Yes, it's geeky English humor at its best.  I'm not sure they'll find it as funny as I but then, that's never stopped me before!

"I'm Kind of a Big Deal"

I'm the adviser for a student group on campus and during one of the first meetings, the members were all introducing themselves to each other and one of them said by way of introduction, "Hi, I'm V--.  I'm kind of a big deal."  What?!  I didn't know if I heard correctly because when I was growing up, statements like that were not seen as positive when self-proclaimed.  But here was this student proclaiming it in as matter-of-fact of a manner as if he were telling us all that he ate pizza for lunch that day.  I felt a little dumbstruck at both his youthful bravado and self-assurance.  To his credit, he did also casually say that he was a model for a fancy jeans company, so in fact, he was kind of a big deal in his own right.

What struck me about his statement though was a couple of things: first, the youthful hubris that lets a person get away with that sort of thing.  I guess if you haven't lived that long and have a fairly limited circle of acquaintances, then indeed he was probably the biggest deal he knew.  It's the proverbial big fish in a little pond.  Second, that he didn't mind tooting his own horn because that's what he believed.  So many times, we're afraid to recognize when we do something well, either out of genuine or false humility, and his statement was a reminder that sometimes, it's good and right to just say, "Hey!  I'm kind of a big deal."  Part of getting older is that we lose that youthful bravado as we begin to think that anything and everything we do is no big deal.  We realize that in fact, we're just a little fish in a big pond.  But in fact, we should celebrate the accomplishments in our lives.

I was talking to the lovely Ingrid the other day and she told me that she had hung her finisher's medal from the Portland Marathon up on the way.  So what if 11,999 other people had the same one?  It's kind of a big deal!

The following week I went back to the club meeting and this time they we're electing officers.  One of the students being elected got up and said, "You all should vote for me for secretary because one of the requirements is that you be good looking and I think I fit the bill."  Again, gotta love that youthful hubris.

Try it.  Next time someone asks you about something like, "Why did you get your copies on time and I didn't?" just answer, "Well, I'm kind of a big deal" and enjoy the look of shock on his or her face.  Really.  It's fun.

I wanted to include an excerpt from Lawrence Ferlinghetti's poem "I Am Waiting" because it's a poem that reminds me of the importance of wonder in our lives and how recollecting our childhood and "youth’s dumb green fields" is part of that "renaissance of wonder."  So bring back wonder,  "youth's dumb green fields," the hubris of youth, the spirit of invincibility, and the belief that you're livin' the dream because you know what?  I'm kind of a big deal!

Excerpt from "I Am Waiting" by Lawrence Ferlinghetti

I am waiting

to get some intimations

of immortality

by recollecting my early childhood

and I am waiting

for the green mornings to come again   

youth’s dumb green fields come back again

and I am waiting

for some strains of unpremeditated art

to shake my typewriter

and I am waiting to write

the great indelible poem

and I am waiting

for the last long careless rapture

and I am perpetually waiting

for the fleeing lovers on the Grecian Urn   

to catch each other up at last

and embrace

and I am awaiting   

perpetually and forever

a renaissance of wonder

--Lawrence Ferlinghetti, “I Am Waiting” from A Coney Island of the Mind. 

Sushirrito: Fusion Heaven

One of the reasons I love the Bay Area, besides getting to spend time with the Violent Femmes, of course, is the great eating down there. This time around was no exception and the newest thing to cross my path was not sushi, not a burrito, but their love child, the sushirrito.



"A fresh way to roll" indeed are these burrito-sized nori rolls, filled with sustainably sourced fresh fish, organic rice, and plenty of freshy, tasty veggies. "El Tigre" (pictured above) is Ahi Tuna along with julienned carrots, radish, cucumber, cabbage, beets, with a spicy honey mustard ringing in at $10.50



The "Casanova" is steelhead salmon with arugula, radish, tomatillo salsa, avocado, and a white soy ponzu sauce for $9.50.

Surprisingly substantial, these giant rolls had two highly trained professional eaters crying uncle at the end. We were defeated by some giant sushi rolls.

But what forces would bring about such a thing as a sushirrito? And is something like this really greater than the sum of its parts or just a half-imitation of neither? In order to better understand the roots of fusion, I had my co-worker Thom, who doth protest too much he's just an ordinary guy, put "contemporary cuisine into the context of the artistic and cultural movements of the 20th century: Modernism, and Postmodernism:"

Modernism is typically understood as an intentional break from the traditional and the classical. In culinary terms, this equates to Nouvelle Cuisine with its departure from so-called traditional dishes and techniques. Auguste Escoffier is attributed to be among the early pioneers in this innovation, but the ever-modern Nouvelle broke even further from his sensibilities with its emphasis on delicacy, presentation and lightness. The style features fresh, seasonal ingredients, small portions with visually exquisite presentation. Sauces are reduced rather than thickened with roux. Elements are chosen for the inherent qualities they embody, and meals are elaborate compositions of sequential courses. To experience an excellent example of this kind of food one could have a meal at Seattle’s “Mistral” restaurant. For those who like to pay less and can tolerate images of misogyny and brutality, nouvelle cuisine also plays a key role in the film “American Psycho.”


Postmodernism, on the other hand, emphasizes self-conscious appropriation of other styles, collaging known elements in unusual contexts, and a general distrust of the canonical practices of the past. Postmodernism can also incorporate the concentration of modernist ideals. One culinary example of Postmodernism is what is known as Fusion. In this style of cuisine, recognizable elements from disparate cultures are brought together in a juxtaposition of flavors and forms. An early expression of this phenomenon in Seattle is the “pan-Asian” restaurant “Wild Ginger.” Recognizable elements from many Asian cultures are served at the same table. As the movement continues, the cultural references are found in the same dish and more and more diverse combinations are being made. I’ve often been known to be skeptical of fusion food describing the practices as “bringing the food of two cultures together and watering it down to suit an American taste.” But, happily, I have been proven wrong many times....

The fusion impulse has taken two distinct paths, which I will label “organic” or “natural” fusion and “contrived” or “artistic” fusion. The terms “organic” and “contrived” have other connotations, so I’ll use the alternate terms.

In natural fusion, culturally specific dishes, techniques, and sensibilities are transported to new geographies and adopt local ingredients. A classic example of this is the California Roll. In the 1960’s, Ichiro Mashita, a Japanese sushi chef in Los Angeles was unable to obtain toro (fatty tuna). He found that a satisfying texture could be achieved using avocado (I don’t know how the fake crab got in there). Another example is Hawaii’s Spam Musubi, with it’s odd (yet palatable) insertion of American industrial canned meat into a roll of rice and seaweed. By contrast, artistic fusion is the intentional juxtaposition of disparate food cultures.


So sushirrito is the artistic fusion of one inventive man looking to marry two pretty distinctive food cultures. A sushi roll of such gigantic proportions would probably cause most Japanese people to recoil in disgust and there's not much Mexican flavoring to these big wraps. However, if one comes to them with neither expectation or preconception of something needing to be Japanese nor Mexican, the sushirrito as its own invention is a pretty tasty and healthy creation.

I do have to relay one more Thomism, which is related to my observation that when judging any restaurant, the proof is in the patrons. Who shows up to eat what you've envisioned is the ultimate testimony to whether your food really accomplishes what it means to. Here in Seattle, we find lots of mixed couples patronizing said fusion restaurants and Thom observes that "mixed couples are a natural fusion unto themselves (could these people’s children be the human equivalent of California rolls . . . imagine basinets filled with Spam musubi!) And now we can add to that list, the sushirrito!

I, for one, am a fan and hope that a branch moves up here to Seattle sometime soon.

5 Levels of Communication

I've been discussing the 5 levels of communication, which Pastor Nancy told me about, with the lovely Ingrid. In a nutshell, here they are:

1) CLICHES - Typical, routine, oft repeated comments, questions and answers given out of habit and with no real forethought or genuine intent. "How are you?" "Fine." "Having a good day?" "Yes."

(2) FACTS - Information/Statistics about the weather, the office, friends, the news, personal activities, etc. Requires no in depth thinking or feeling.

(3) OPINIONS - Includes concerns, expectations, and personal goals, dreams, and desires. Due to differences of opinion that naturally arise between two people, especially between men and women, this is typically the level at which we run into the "wall of conflict."

(4) FEELINGS - Having gone through the "wall of conflict" via applying the communication skills following, you both feel safe to share your deepest emotions.

(5) NEEDS - The deepest level of communication and intimacy where you feel completely safe to reveal your unique needs with each other. Truly, unless needs are known and met, a couple will remain "strangers."

(Resource: Secrets to Lasting Love, by Gary Smalley)

It seems like many of the women we know operate regularly on levels 4 and 5 with anything less than that being more informational rather than personal and thus less satisfying in terms of "connecting" with another person. This is in contrast with most guys that we know who seem to operate mostly on levels 1 and 2 and sometimes 3 and find that completely satisfying. Perhaps we're biased and our sample field is far from random but again, the differences between the sexes really is baffling.

I thought I'd also include the transcript of Gary Smalley talking about his 6 levels of communication. He's obviously talking to guys in this one as he says about three times at different points why intimate communication with your significant other is so important: sex. She feels close to you, you get sex. It's all about the right motivation. It's hilarious.

Question:
My wife says that our communication is not satisfying, what do I do?
Answer:
So, she doesn’t think you communicate very well. Well, join another
billion men around the world, because most men really don’t know the
levels of communication and what really is satisfying in communication.

So, let me go through six levels of communication, and you can tell me
which ones you’ve touched on in your marriage. But if you go all the
way to the sixth level and go there regularly—ew!—watch how your
wife’s going to say, “Thank you, Honey. Have you changed or what?”
In fact, you know what? This really turns a woman on sexually when
you get to the sixth level, and stay there regularly. All right?
OK. Here are the levels. See where you are in your marriage or in your
friendships.

Level number one: The least satisfying level of communication is
cliques—meaningless words. “Pass the pepper,” you know, or, “Yeah,
I’m fine,” you know. “What was your day like?” “Ah, I’m fine.
Whatever.” And so, it’s just real low level, no conflict at that level at
all. That’s the lowest level of satisfaction.

Level number two: We’re moving down deeper into communication—
sharing facts with one another. “What happened to the President
today?” you know, “What happened in the weather?” “Oh, did you hear
about that tragedy over in Africa?” You know, just sharing facts. Most
people don’t get into big arguments, but you can. But it’s just sort of
weak level. But do you know what? A lot of couples stay on levels one
and two, and then their communication is never satisfying and they
don’t know why. That’s because they’re not moving closer to the sixth
level.

Level number three is when you share your opinions with each other.
Well, most husband and wives and friends have a different opinion
about everything, because of how we were raised, our own beliefs, a
million reasons, personalities. But here’s the key—at the third level of
opinions, you have most of your arguments. Just remember that all
arguments that are in level three are designed for you to go deeper in
your relationship—deeper love. Do you know that all verbal fights are
all doorways to deeper intimacy? The reason being, arguments almost
take you to the last three levels of deep communication, deep
friendship.

And so, when you have a disagreement, what you want to do is move
to the fourth level, which is “what does a person feel about this
argument?” Any time you start sharing your deep feelings—extremely
important guys—don’t even worry about it. Don’t say, “Eh, I don’t like
talking about my feelings.” Most guys aren’t in touch with their
feelings anyway, so you have to get help from your wife even to know
how you feel. But the better you get at sharing your feelings—you
know, “I feel sad,” or “I feel discouraged,” or “I feel fearful,” or “I feel
lonely,” or whatever your feeling—you try to become in touch with it
and share it with your wife. This is like pouring warm oil on her life,
and this is why it causes her to feel so pleasant with you, and actually,
most—a lot of women, wives, will respond to you sexually with you
right at that level. It’s just amazing what that does.

Level number five is when you share your needs. “Honey, you know
what I really need in my life? I need,” you know, whatever you need in
communication. But whatever you need mentally, and educationally,
and physically, and whatever your own personal needs are, personal
needs really help a couple or friends go deeper into their relationship.
And when you do that, it’s just amazing the feeling your wife has,
because she really feels connected to you, close to you, and you feel
closer to her.

And the sixth level, which is really, really important, is when you take
your relationship to your mate’s beliefs, your beliefs, your mate’s
beliefs—when you start uncovering and discovering, “What do you
believe about life?” “What do you believe about God?” “What do you
believe about food?” “What do you believe about your job?” “What do
you believe about your future?” “What do you believe about your
past?”

You know, you’ve got hundreds of beliefs in your heart. And the
deepest love—ever heard someone say, “I love you with all my heart”?
That’s, “I love you with, I believe, everything about me cherishes you.
I crave you.” That’s what love really is. “I crave to be with you. I crave
to serve you. I crave to want to know you. I’m fascinated by you.” But
that’s a belief you have, and, when you share your belief, that’s the
deepest level of communication. And when your wife is hearing your
beliefs, and you’re hearing hers, she’s going to lie in bed at night and
just go, “Woo, do I like this guy or what? I wonder when the next
time’s he going to touch me, so we can be sexually involved?” Watch
what happens. Trust me it works.

My Student Gave Me Worms!

I realized that enough whining will eventually cause someone to take pity on you and make you a worm bin! "I don't really know how to put one together," I whined. "I don't have a drill!" Eventually Jason took pity on me and put a little one together for me, complete with a starter set of worms. It fits right in my kitchen cabinet and my only complaint is I can't stuff more organic matter in there for them. And I love that I can say my student gave me worms!



Poor Paul who knit all these funny (yet disturbing) finger puppets never finished the course because it turned out he had cancer. He says he's going to be back and I sure hope so. He was a lovely man who drove around with over 200 finger puppets in his car and plenty in his pockets. Putting these guys into a little landscape scene makes them even more bizarro, methinks.

Writing: An Intimidating and Impenetrable Fog

Halcyon Days

Ike had been skipping class for about two weeks when I got this email, titled "hello teach," (a moniker that I hate because it sounds like we're in high school) from him. My co-worker Paul thought I should print and post this so that when I'm old and wrinkly and no student ever would even think of hitting on me, that I could remember the good ol' days:

I do not want to offend you by eney means!!!... ms.shen im not sure why i pay attention to small detail but I do.......anyways I wanted to ask you a bold question...maybe on the account that I haven't seen a wedding ring on your hand......would youlike to go out some time and maybe have dinner or some drinks......maybe maybe maybe? if not i apologize for being to forward I just think a woman with your intelegence and know how is something great!!!! please let me know .....no disrespect intended!!!!!

Is it terrible that my first reaction is, "Couldn't he have at least spell-checked the darn thing?" Halcyon days, indeed.

Happy Spring!

This photo from the mind of my co-worker Thom, who doth protest too much that he's "just an ordinary guy."

Why Not to Date a Tyrannosaurus Rex

From the illustrator who brought us

reasons why you should NOT date a Tyrannosaurus Rex:










It's a Mesosoic jungle out there.

(You can find the other 6 reasons for why T-rex makes such a poor catch here)

Teacher Line of the Week

My co-worker Keith who thinks every abstruse collocation should be a band name came up with the teacher line of the week.

After asking a class full of students to look in their notes and tell him what "allusion" meant and receiving nothing but intent stares, pens poised over notebooks for the answer, he informed them,

"My face is not a teleprompter."

So much more descriptive than my usual "The answer's not written on my face."

Defecate vs. Deficit

You wouldn't think you could mix these two words up but Cole did it! In an argument essay for an Intro to College Writing course, he wrote,

"Looking at the way our states defecate, we need to make some changes in what should be taxed and what should be left untaxed."

Actually, maybe it's not as bad a mix up as originally thought....

Stuff White People Like?

Calling someone a "douchebag" or a "doosh" is just not in my lexicon of regularly used insults. Neither do I know many people who call other people such a thing. I think the first time I heard someone use that was when I was watching "The Royal Tennenbaums," a movie whose wide-spread appeal I had difficulty understanding. It wasn't until a few years later when I came across the website "Stuff White People Like" and saw that Wes Anderson films were on the list that it clicked. So I wonder is calling someone a "douchebag" also a white person thing? Or maybe it's a generational thing, as in it skipped Gen X? In a highly non-scientific poll around the lunch room, the other person roughly my age also did not use said epithet whereas the person roughly ten years older as well as the person roughly ten years younger did.

On a related note, my co-worker who is a beekeeper working as a singer working as a pottery instructor said that our biology co-worker was talking about douching in class one day and said during his lecture that "douching monkeys around with the natural bacteria down there" to which a student replied, "What are douching monkeys?" Students. Gotta love 'em.

On another related note, my co-worker who thinks every abstruse thing (not to be confused with obtuse as you can see here) should be a band name thought that "Douching Monkeys" would make a good band name.