"I'm Kind of a Big Deal"

I'm the adviser for a student group on campus and during one of the first meetings, the members were all introducing themselves to each other and one of them said by way of introduction, "Hi, I'm V--.  I'm kind of a big deal."  What?!  I didn't know if I heard correctly because when I was growing up, statements like that were not seen as positive when self-proclaimed.  But here was this student proclaiming it in as matter-of-fact of a manner as if he were telling us all that he ate pizza for lunch that day.  I felt a little dumbstruck at both his youthful bravado and self-assurance.  To his credit, he did also casually say that he was a model for a fancy jeans company, so in fact, he was kind of a big deal in his own right.

What struck me about his statement though was a couple of things: first, the youthful hubris that lets a person get away with that sort of thing.  I guess if you haven't lived that long and have a fairly limited circle of acquaintances, then indeed he was probably the biggest deal he knew.  It's the proverbial big fish in a little pond.  Second, that he didn't mind tooting his own horn because that's what he believed.  So many times, we're afraid to recognize when we do something well, either out of genuine or false humility, and his statement was a reminder that sometimes, it's good and right to just say, "Hey!  I'm kind of a big deal."  Part of getting older is that we lose that youthful bravado as we begin to think that anything and everything we do is no big deal.  We realize that in fact, we're just a little fish in a big pond.  But in fact, we should celebrate the accomplishments in our lives.

I was talking to the lovely Ingrid the other day and she told me that she had hung her finisher's medal from the Portland Marathon up on the way.  So what if 11,999 other people had the same one?  It's kind of a big deal!

The following week I went back to the club meeting and this time they we're electing officers.  One of the students being elected got up and said, "You all should vote for me for secretary because one of the requirements is that you be good looking and I think I fit the bill."  Again, gotta love that youthful hubris.

Try it.  Next time someone asks you about something like, "Why did you get your copies on time and I didn't?" just answer, "Well, I'm kind of a big deal" and enjoy the look of shock on his or her face.  Really.  It's fun.

I wanted to include an excerpt from Lawrence Ferlinghetti's poem "I Am Waiting" because it's a poem that reminds me of the importance of wonder in our lives and how recollecting our childhood and "youth’s dumb green fields" is part of that "renaissance of wonder."  So bring back wonder,  "youth's dumb green fields," the hubris of youth, the spirit of invincibility, and the belief that you're livin' the dream because you know what?  I'm kind of a big deal!

Excerpt from "I Am Waiting" by Lawrence Ferlinghetti

I am waiting

to get some intimations

of immortality

by recollecting my early childhood

and I am waiting

for the green mornings to come again   

youth’s dumb green fields come back again

and I am waiting

for some strains of unpremeditated art

to shake my typewriter

and I am waiting to write

the great indelible poem

and I am waiting

for the last long careless rapture

and I am perpetually waiting

for the fleeing lovers on the Grecian Urn   

to catch each other up at last

and embrace

and I am awaiting   

perpetually and forever

a renaissance of wonder

--Lawrence Ferlinghetti, “I Am Waiting” from A Coney Island of the Mind.